A sliver of hope
by Iram
Summary: ONESHOT -- "Hold on to that box".


_STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY_

**AN:** This piece could be taken as part of the 180º ST&T universe, roughly six years post the events in the story as related thus far. A lot has happened between the main characters; what the events leading up to this exchange might be are left up to the reader's imagination.

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**A sliver**** of hope**

_by Anna Iram_

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She wakes up on her couch, wrapped in the warm cocoon of his arms. She lifts her head and sleepily looks up into his eyes. The intensity in them makes her feel nervous. He pulls away first, though.

"I'll go get started on breakfast," he tells her, disentangling himself from the embrace.

Silently she watches him go before remembering how to breathe again. Then, she slowly walks after him. When she reaches the kitchen, she dallies in the doorway, looking on as he removes a carton of eggs from the fridge.

"Kenshin, you don't have to..."

"I'm starving. How about you?"

She smiles. He's being stubborn. He won't let her run him out of her house. "I could eat."

"Then I suggest you go wash up while I take care of things here. Unless, of course, you'd prefer to stick around and help me cook…"

Kaoru's smile grows wider. He knows her too well. "I guess I'll be showering, then."

Kenshin's eyes linger on her form, his smile soft on his lips. "Frittata sound good to you?"

She looks down at her feet. She remembers the first time he made her breakfast. "Frittata sounds perfect," she says.

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Back from her shower, Kaoru comes down to the kitchen dressed in comfortable sweats with a cardboard box in her arms.

"You're going to start packing up in here after we eat?" he asks, heaping food on a plate.

"Actually," she says, setting the box down on the floor, "everything inside that box belongs to you. I don't know if you have a busy day ahead of you or not and I know you didn't plan to stay here last night, so the way I see it, you can go back to the hotel, bathe and change into a clean set of clothes or, if you're in a hurry…"

She trails off, slightly uncomfortable because it feels so strange, both to be packing up and selling the house, not to mention returning his things to HIM. It had always been HIM, after all, hadn't it?

"It's all clean," she goes on, peering into the box and thinking it best to quickly get the awkwardness over with, "and you can use my shower if you want. It's an option,"

"Thank you," he tells her, dismissing her discomfort with a wave of his fork.

They eat mostly in silence. He makes as if to get up and wash the dishes, but Kaoru refuses him and heads for the sink herself. While she cleans up, he decides to rummage through the box.

"How many sweaters are in here?" he asks in awe.

Kaoru, eyes on the soapy sponge in her hand, laughs. "I don't know why I stole so many hoodies from you, but I never heard a complaint."

"We were together for years and only now am I realizing you have a sweater fetish; how odd!"

"It's called being an enabler. There's no way you couldn't have noticed my flair for sweatshirt thievery."

"Kaoru…what's this?"

Something in his tone makes her turn around. Her eyes immediately zero in on the small blue velvet box he's holding up. She bites her bottom lip and refuses to meet his eyes.

"Those are the earrings you gave me–"

"I know that," he interrupts her. "I know that these are the earrings I got you for your eighteenth birthday, I remember. What I want to know is why they're inside this box along with my things?"

"I…I wasn't sure what I should do with them."

Kenshin sighs, stands up straight and, without a word, exits the kitchen. Kaoru storms after him, leaving the water still running. She catches up to him just as he opens the front door.

"You're angry," she says, stating the obvious.

He pauses, his hand on the doorknob. "There are gifts you get people because you absolutely have to," he explains, his gaze distant. "There are presents you just tack your name onto. Only that's not the case here."

"I know that. I just didn't know if it was okay to keep them."

"So you're giving them back to me? I wouldn't know what to do with them, either, Kaoru. I can't return them to the store and I wouldn't feel comfortable letting someone else have them."

"I'm sorry if I upset you," she tells him, head bowed and shoulders sagging.

"I don't need any of the things that are in that box. Do what you want with my stuff."

He's curt and in motion again. One of his feet is out the door.

"Kenshin," she speaks softly, stopping him in his tracks. "You're the first person, the very first, that made me feel like I was worth something – aside from my parents, I mean. You made me feel special, like there was something about me that could be loved, you know? And when we broke up that time, I fell back on all these old insecurities and doubts and it was really easy to forget that I could mean… that I could be…"

Kaoru struggles to talk around the lump in her throat. Kaoru struggles to talk around the truth in her head.

"And then you sent me a gift and your timing couldn't have been more perfect," she continues to say. "It was as if you'd thrown me a line, though I wasn't sure whether I should hold on to it or not."

Kenshin's gaze softens fractionally. He knows it is hard for her to talk like this, to expose herself in some small way. He knows hurting him has always been particularly hard on her. He likes to believe it is because she never stops loving him altogether, even if what that actually means changes throughout time.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," she honestly claims. "That's not it at all! I just… It seems strange to me that, after all these years, I kept every single thing that I stole from you or that you gave me. All this time, a part of you has been living in the back of my closet and I don't know if it's okay for me to hold on to it like I do. I don't know if it's okay at all."

"Are you asking me if you should? Is that what this is all about?"

"It's the best I can do," she says, jutting out her chin.

"Kaoru…?"

"Look, before you say that's not 'good enough' – since that seems to be your new catchphrase and all – I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not that girl anymore, the one who called bullshit all the time and sat around on park benches speaking her mind without fear of getting hurt. That's just not me anymore and this is me trying. Maybe it's not good enough, but that's all I have now, questions instead of answers."

"You've always had questions."

"Yeah, but I used to have all the answers too, didn't I?"

They're both silent for a little while. They're both staring at each other, keeping from staring at each other and trying to think of what to say next. Because one more word can make or break this, them, everything.

"Just so you know," he says, bravely breaching the quiet, "I'm not him either." For some reason, he speaks in hushed tones. "I'm not one to sit with sassy girls on park benches and hold my tongue out of fear that the truth might hurt them, not anymore."

Kaoru can't help it; his words fill her with disappointment. Then his lips softly brush hers and she finds herself more scared than ever before. Because it is a new Kenshin that kisses her, almost reverently, but the kiss in itself is exactly as she remembers. His kiss is what it always has been: his way of telling her, without words, what matters most.

"Hold on to that box," he says as he pulls away.

Kenshin walks out the door and she watches him go, uncertain. He answered her question, but not in the way she had hoped. She had been ready to let go and, as usual, he wouldn't let her. It was like getting that gorgeous pair of star-shaped earrings all over again. When would Kenshin stop giving her hope?

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_**AN#2: **__Thank you for taking the time to read this. Thanks you for all the support. Please, if you feel up to it, review. Adieu. _

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